Monday, September 05, 2005
Real Life, Part I
Tomorrow, life begins. I'm in an interesting mood tonight because as soon as I go to bed, life will never be the same again. I'll wake up and I'll be a lawyer. And frankly, that's just about as much scary and weird as it is exciting and satisfying.
Everything I've done with my life, at least on the worldly (as opposed to spiritual) level, has been in preparation for this point in my life. As a baby, I learned to walk and talk, skills that were crucial to survival in preschool and elementary school. In elementary school, I learned the basic building blocks of readin', ritin', and rithmetic, and got into good practice for studying and doing well in school. By the time I got to high school, there was a definite sense of the need to do well in school, so that I could get into a good college. In college, I worked hard so that I could get into a good grad school. After college, I took a year-and-a-half break that could be considered my "first job," but really what it was was a placeholder. At that time I was studying for and taking the LSAT, and then applying to, considering, and directly preparing for law school. I had to do (reasonably) well in law school so that after graduation I could get a good job.
Well, guess what?
I got good grades in high school, and I got into a good college. I did well there, and I got into an even better grad school. And I did (reasonably) well there, and I got a fabulous job that will pay me more than I believe I am worth, and will even be enjoyable to boot.
But now, the trip is over. The train has pulled into the station, and the cycle of preparation for what's next has ended.
What's next is what's now.
No longer am I going to be working for what I can do next, at least not in a direct, quantifiable, institutional sense. Sure, I'll try to do well at my job so that I can increase my responsibilities, get raises, and when it comes time to change jobs and/or careers, get a better job. But for all real intents and purposes, I've arrived. The real purpose for doing what I will soon be doing isn't to "get" anything. I've got it.
The purpose, of course, will be personal fulfillment and providing for my family. And the thought that my family will be expanding in about two months is a sobering thought that keeps this whole "real life" thing in perspective. After all, if I think things are going to change tomorrow, wait till that first morning after my daughter comes into the world.
I feel truly blessed. I have a beautiful, wonderful wife who is everything I could ask for. We have a great house, live in a beautiful neighborhood, and have a daughter on the way. I went to one of the best schools in the country and didn't have an extraordinarily hard time securing a great job. A lot of people would kill to be in the position I'm in.
So I guess my overwhelming feeling going into this (besides the reluctance to give up the life of leisure I've led since the bar exam, the curiosity at what kinds of projects I'll get to work on, the awkwardness of thinking that I'll not only have my own office but also my own secretary, and the indecision of whether I'm really qualified to do what I'm doing) is gratitude. I don't know how long I'll stay at this job. I certainly don't anticipate it'll be the last job I ever have. But I'm blessed to be in this situation, blessed to have arrived here, and I will try not to take it for granted.
Let real life begin.
Everything I've done with my life, at least on the worldly (as opposed to spiritual) level, has been in preparation for this point in my life. As a baby, I learned to walk and talk, skills that were crucial to survival in preschool and elementary school. In elementary school, I learned the basic building blocks of readin', ritin', and rithmetic, and got into good practice for studying and doing well in school. By the time I got to high school, there was a definite sense of the need to do well in school, so that I could get into a good college. In college, I worked hard so that I could get into a good grad school. After college, I took a year-and-a-half break that could be considered my "first job," but really what it was was a placeholder. At that time I was studying for and taking the LSAT, and then applying to, considering, and directly preparing for law school. I had to do (reasonably) well in law school so that after graduation I could get a good job.
Well, guess what?
I got good grades in high school, and I got into a good college. I did well there, and I got into an even better grad school. And I did (reasonably) well there, and I got a fabulous job that will pay me more than I believe I am worth, and will even be enjoyable to boot.
But now, the trip is over. The train has pulled into the station, and the cycle of preparation for what's next has ended.
What's next is what's now.
No longer am I going to be working for what I can do next, at least not in a direct, quantifiable, institutional sense. Sure, I'll try to do well at my job so that I can increase my responsibilities, get raises, and when it comes time to change jobs and/or careers, get a better job. But for all real intents and purposes, I've arrived. The real purpose for doing what I will soon be doing isn't to "get" anything. I've got it.
The purpose, of course, will be personal fulfillment and providing for my family. And the thought that my family will be expanding in about two months is a sobering thought that keeps this whole "real life" thing in perspective. After all, if I think things are going to change tomorrow, wait till that first morning after my daughter comes into the world.
I feel truly blessed. I have a beautiful, wonderful wife who is everything I could ask for. We have a great house, live in a beautiful neighborhood, and have a daughter on the way. I went to one of the best schools in the country and didn't have an extraordinarily hard time securing a great job. A lot of people would kill to be in the position I'm in.
So I guess my overwhelming feeling going into this (besides the reluctance to give up the life of leisure I've led since the bar exam, the curiosity at what kinds of projects I'll get to work on, the awkwardness of thinking that I'll not only have my own office but also my own secretary, and the indecision of whether I'm really qualified to do what I'm doing) is gratitude. I don't know how long I'll stay at this job. I certainly don't anticipate it'll be the last job I ever have. But I'm blessed to be in this situation, blessed to have arrived here, and I will try not to take it for granted.
Let real life begin.
Comments:
Does this mean I haven't begun my real life yet?
It has been an interesting mindset shift for me, given my continuing state of graduate school, that I have to remember to live my life for now and not just the future. While I'm clearly still preparing myself for future endeavors (I do intend to use my degree), I have to remind myself that my adult life isn't just waiting to begin. It began a while ago now. Perhaps I'm kidding myself, but I've found it to be a necessary survival mechanism -- I get too impatient with myself otherwise.
I imagine that your mindset will not shift overnight -- four months from now you'll be wondering where that report card is.
It has been an interesting mindset shift for me, given my continuing state of graduate school, that I have to remember to live my life for now and not just the future. While I'm clearly still preparing myself for future endeavors (I do intend to use my degree), I have to remind myself that my adult life isn't just waiting to begin. It began a while ago now. Perhaps I'm kidding myself, but I've found it to be a necessary survival mechanism -- I get too impatient with myself otherwise.
I imagine that your mindset will not shift overnight -- four months from now you'll be wondering where that report card is.
In my mind, there are three things that are the hallmarks of true adulthood: a mortgage, a "real" job, and a child. You, Andrew, may not have a mortgage or a real job, but you have three (beautiful!) daughters. I suspect that when you say that your adult life "began a while ago now," you can trace it back to approximately the time your (beautiful!) eldest was born.
For me, all three of these things are crashing upon me within a six-month span. I think the suddenness of it all is really what's giving me pause.
(And I think what I'm really going to miss even more than the report card is the changing of semesters. Four months from now, I'll be ready to take my finals and start fresh with a new set of challenges and expectations, but instead, I'll just keep plugging away at work!)
Thanks for the comment!
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For me, all three of these things are crashing upon me within a six-month span. I think the suddenness of it all is really what's giving me pause.
(And I think what I'm really going to miss even more than the report card is the changing of semesters. Four months from now, I'll be ready to take my finals and start fresh with a new set of challenges and expectations, but instead, I'll just keep plugging away at work!)
Thanks for the comment!
