Neener neener neener! I've got a Rio Karma, and all you've got is a stupid Apple iPod. Ha ha ha!

I just had my first experience downloading music through one of them newfangled online music stores. A couple of years ago I got a subscription to eMusic (which I'm not sure is still in existence) which allowed me unlimited legal downloads of not-very-popular music that I took huge advantage of. There's still music on my computer or backed up on CDs that I downloaded from eMusic and still haven't listened to.

But this time I decided it was time to see what all the legal download music store fuss is about. More specifically, Jane Monheit and Diana Krall, the only two artists in the world who have caused me to swear to buy everything they ever release (Krall's awful The Look of Love notwithstanding), have come out with Christmas albums, and I want the music 1) now, and 2) cheap. So CDs aren't as good as downloads.

In pursuit of requirement #2 (cheap) I went to Wal-Mart's online store, where individual songs are only 88 cents, instead of everyone else's 99 cents (those 11 cents can add up!). There I learned that Wal-Mart has made the idiotic business decision to only offer music downloads in a format that is incompatible with iPods. Come on, Wal-Mart! Aren't you the most retail-savvy entity in the world? How could you offer a product that can't be used on the device that the majority of potential customers want to use it on? That's like selling movies on Beta cassettes, or only selling those giant tires that fit on monster trucks.

Fortunately for me, though, I own the digital music equivalent of a Beta player or a monster truck. My Rio Karma, though the manufacturer (which, mind you, was the undisputed pioneer of portable digital audio players) has been driven out of business by the iPod, supports the Wal-Mart WMA format. Jane Monheit will be crooning in my ears throughout the Christmas season.

Laugh all you want at my lack of a stylish white click wheel. Snicker at the homemade case I pack my Karma around in because no one makes an affordable case for such an unpopular product. But kneel in respect when I tell you that I pay 10% less for my legal downloads than you do.

All hail the Rio Karma!