Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Almost Doesn't Count
The reason for the long hiatus in posting has been an extended vacation in Arizona, visiting Shelly's family. Among other things, we attended a family reunion in the Eastern Arizona mountains, near the town of Greer.
(In fact, I owe the state of Arizona an apology. Before I left, I mentioned to a co-worker that there were wildfires in Eastern Arizona, and he later emailed me, reminding me that "only you can prevent forest fires." I responded, "You've never been to Arizona, have you? Forest? The best they can muster is sagebrush." Well, I stand corrected. The area of Arizona where we went was definitely forested. I guess that's what I get for never venturing outside of Phoenix before.)
Among the many fun things to do up there in the mountains at the family reunion was horseshoes. My father-in-law is such a horseshoes fanatic, in fact, that his prized Father's Day gift was a snazzy gilded horsehoes set (which he didn't break out because the cabins we stayed at were equipped with their own horseshoes sets, and there's no point in dirtying up his new set when there are perfectly servicable other sets). So everyone was playing.
I don't recall ever playing horseshoes since I was a small child (that is, since I was old enough to actually play horseshoes). I knew that the goal was to get your horseshoe around the post, but that's hard to do. Fortunately, I'm very familiar with the saying, "Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." So when I started throwing horseshoes around with Shelly, I was satisfied that some of my horseshoes got pretty close to the post (closer than Shelly's, anyway). If almost counts, then I was pretty good.
Then I talked to my father-in-law and learned the actual rules. A ringer, where you actually get the shoe around the post, is worth three points. A leaner, where it's leaning up against the post, is worth two points. And the "almost" rule states that if your shoe is within one shoe's width of the post, that gets one point.
Are you kidding me? So all these years I've been taught a lie? Next you're going to tell me that you actually have to hit the guy with the hand grenade to kill him.
Almost doesn't count in horseshoes! It's worth one-third as many points, and there's even a quantifiable measure of what "almost" even is. I can't tell you how many times I threw a horseshoe and muttered "almost!," meaning, "I almost got close enough to count as almost."
Nevertheless, I really enjoyed the horseshoeing, and even got a couple of ringers (which, as it turns out, are actually easier than leaners). But don't try to tell me that almost counts in horseshoes. I know better now.
(In fact, I owe the state of Arizona an apology. Before I left, I mentioned to a co-worker that there were wildfires in Eastern Arizona, and he later emailed me, reminding me that "only you can prevent forest fires." I responded, "You've never been to Arizona, have you? Forest? The best they can muster is sagebrush." Well, I stand corrected. The area of Arizona where we went was definitely forested. I guess that's what I get for never venturing outside of Phoenix before.)
Among the many fun things to do up there in the mountains at the family reunion was horseshoes. My father-in-law is such a horseshoes fanatic, in fact, that his prized Father's Day gift was a snazzy gilded horsehoes set (which he didn't break out because the cabins we stayed at were equipped with their own horseshoes sets, and there's no point in dirtying up his new set when there are perfectly servicable other sets). So everyone was playing.
I don't recall ever playing horseshoes since I was a small child (that is, since I was old enough to actually play horseshoes). I knew that the goal was to get your horseshoe around the post, but that's hard to do. Fortunately, I'm very familiar with the saying, "Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." So when I started throwing horseshoes around with Shelly, I was satisfied that some of my horseshoes got pretty close to the post (closer than Shelly's, anyway). If almost counts, then I was pretty good.
Then I talked to my father-in-law and learned the actual rules. A ringer, where you actually get the shoe around the post, is worth three points. A leaner, where it's leaning up against the post, is worth two points. And the "almost" rule states that if your shoe is within one shoe's width of the post, that gets one point.
Are you kidding me? So all these years I've been taught a lie? Next you're going to tell me that you actually have to hit the guy with the hand grenade to kill him.
Almost doesn't count in horseshoes! It's worth one-third as many points, and there's even a quantifiable measure of what "almost" even is. I can't tell you how many times I threw a horseshoe and muttered "almost!," meaning, "I almost got close enough to count as almost."
Nevertheless, I really enjoyed the horseshoeing, and even got a couple of ringers (which, as it turns out, are actually easier than leaners). But don't try to tell me that almost counts in horseshoes. I know better now.
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