I got my head sliced open yesterday.

Really.

In case you run into me in the next couple of weeks, don't be put off by the circular band-aid visible from amid my hair. Go ahead and ask me about it. I'll probably give you one of the following explanations:

"I had a lobotomy, of course."

"My intellect was bulging too much, and they had to cut a vent in my skull to release some of the pressure that was building up."

"Ninjas! I took a Chinese star to the head!"

None of which, of course, are true. What really happened is that I had a benign epidermal inclusion cyst removed from my scalp, a couple of inches past my hairline. Sometime over the past 3 or 4 years I'd developed this large bump on my head. I had it checked out a couple of years ago and was told (rightly) that it's nothing to worry about. But it was kind of annoying, it itched sometimes, and my hairline will soon recede past the bump and I won't be able to hide it very well.*

So I went to the dermatologist and had that puppy removed. She had to shave off a decent portion of my hair to get at it. Then I got three shots of anesthetic. (And they were fairly painful--have you ever had a shot in your scalp? You can feel the needle between your skin and your skull!) Then she made a vertical slice and popped the cyst out "like an eyeball."** Actually, it went very quickly and smoothly. The nurse/assistant said, "There it is! Perfectly round!" before I knew the slice had even been made. Then I got three big fat stitches and a bandage across my head, held in place by special tape that doesn't rip your hair out (what'll they come up with next?).

I got to look at the cyst after they'd cleaned me up. They had it floating in some clear liquid in a jar, ready to send "to the lab." It was about an inch in diameter, slightly oblong, and smooth and white (of course with bloody scalp tissues still clinging to it in some places). Grody. That was in my head.

I took a look in the mirror at the damage. The bandage and tape just looked awful. The nurse asked if i'd brought a comb. I replied, "No, but even if I had, I don't think it could do much to make me look better anyway." What I should have brought was a hat.

And then, to my dismay, I went back to work. Yup, I'm such a trooper I get my head cut up and I go right back to work. (It's a busy week at work--a bad time to have open-head surgery.) I looked like, well, like a lobotomy patient on the Metro, and people stared, but I just laughed.

And now we wait for the wound to heal. It's been hurting slightly but constantly most of the day today. I have this circular band-aid covering up the stitches and the place where I have no hair.*** I can kind of comb over some of the next-door hair to hide it from someone who isn't looking straight at me, but it's still very obvious. And amazingly, I've been at work for 10 hours now (like I said, busy week), and not a single soul has asked me about it.

So go ahead. I know you notice it. Feel free to mention it. But just don't be surprised when I go on and on about what I did to the ninja.

* If you were observant enough to notice the bump on my head before despite my attempts to conceal it with my hair, please let me know. I wonder if anyone ever really did notice it.

** Those are the words the doctor used as I was lying on the operating table. I kid you not.

*** Unfortunately, I don't think the band-aid is made of the same stuff as the special tape. So I might lose some more hair before this is all over.