Friday, October 31, 2008
Everything I Needed to Know About Vampires I Learned from Bram Stoker
Yesterday (right on time) I finished Bram Stoker's classic "Dracula." And what an eye-opener it was. I thought I knew all about vampires, until I went to the source. Sure, some semblance of the mythology of vampires probably existed before 1897, when Stoker published his masterpiece, but as the man who codified and popularized that mythology, Stoker is the ultimate authority. It turns out there are a lot of untrue myths we've come to accept about vampires. Here's a sampling of some of the things I learned.
Myth: Vampires don't like garlic.
Fact: It's not the garlic bulb (the part we use as a spice) they don't like - it's the flowers. Make a wreath out of garlic flowers and put it around your neck - that'll protect you.
Myth: Vampires don't like garlic.
Fact: It's not the garlic bulb (the part we use as a spice) they don't like - it's the flowers. Make a wreath out of garlic flowers and put it around your neck - that'll protect you.
Myth: Vampires die if they're out and about when the sun rises.
Fact: Vampires can survive in the daylight just fine, thank you very much. They just can't work their special powers, such as turning into a bat or mist. Therefore they choose to be awake during the night when they're more powerful.
Myth: The way to repel a vampire is by using garlic or a crucifix.
Fact: Those will work, but the best way is to use some sacred wafer from the Holy Communion. Put a crumb trail of that in a ring on the ground, stand inside it, and you're 100% safe. Also, put a bit in the vampire's empty coffin and he can't ever come back to it (Dracula always kept spares for this reason). I wonder if Mormon sacrament bread would have the same effect.
Fact: Those will work, but the best way is to use some sacred wafer from the Holy Communion. Put a crumb trail of that in a ring on the ground, stand inside it, and you're 100% safe. Also, put a bit in the vampire's empty coffin and he can't ever come back to it (Dracula always kept spares for this reason). I wonder if Mormon sacrament bread would have the same effect.
Myth: Vampires go around biting people willy-nilly all the time.
Fact: Vampires only bite people of the opposite sex, and aren't very promiscuous about it; they'll focus on one person till they join the vampire in vampirehood. (Brand-new vampires, however, appear to fixate on children.)
Fact: Vampires only bite people of the opposite sex, and aren't very promiscuous about it; they'll focus on one person till they join the vampire in vampirehood. (Brand-new vampires, however, appear to fixate on children.)
Myth: When a vampire bites you, you die and turn into a vampire.
Fact: When a vampire bites you, you lose some blood, but not enough to die. However, when you do die (of whatever cause), you then turn into a vampire if the vampire who bit you is still alive - er, undead. A vampire may continue biting the same person over the course of several days, gradually sucking their blood until there isn't enough left to sustain life. Repeated blood transfusions can help.
Myth: To kill a vampire, drive a wooden stake through his heart.
Fact: Any sharp implement will do (not to spoil anything, but Dracula met his end at the wrong end of a Bowie knife). But you should also cut off his head and stuff his mouth with garlic flowers.
Myth: To kill a vampire, drive a wooden stake through his heart.
Fact: Any sharp implement will do (not to spoil anything, but Dracula met his end at the wrong end of a Bowie knife). But you should also cut off his head and stuff his mouth with garlic flowers.
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