The first step in naming a child is setting the ground rules. A lot of the ground rules don't really need to be explicitly stated (i.e., no Islamic names, at least one vowel, no punctuation, watch out for embarrassing sequences of initials, etc.). But setting restrictions and limitations from the outset, I've found, is one very helpful way to cull the enormous list of potential names down to something at least manageable, where you can start to pick the ones you like.*

The first and foremost rule for me and Shelly is that we have to spell the name right. No desire to make the child's name unique will make me name a kid something like Stefanee, Jayson, or Mishell.* When you hear the name spoken aloud, you should be able to know how to spell it. It makes things ever so much easier for the kid, especially with a last name like Astle, that does need to be spelled out. Whenever I am giving my name over the phone to a stranger, I always say exactly these words: "Last name Astle, A, S, T, L, E; first name Matthew." I am always glad that at least I don't need to spell out my first name.** There are certain names with more than one acceptable spelling. For example, a name that appears toward the upper end of our girl list right now is Katherine/Catherine. I have a feeling that if it comes down to that name, there may be a conflict between me and Shelly as to how to spell it. But the fact that the kid might forever more have to say "That's Katherine with a K" isn't as likely to make me shy away from that name as something like "That's SanDeE* - Big S, little A, big D, little E, big E, and there's a star at the end."***

Just as you should be able to spell a name upon hearing it, you should also be able to tell what gender the person is upon learning their name. None of these popular androgynous names like Taylor or Morgan. And definitely no giving a girl a boy's name like Ryan or Cameron. My dad's name is Lynn, and I can't tell you how many times he's been thought to be a woman.

There's a fine line to walk with regards to popularity. No one wants their kid's name to be too popular. But on the other hand, I do want it to be a recognizable name that people have actually heard of. When Ellie was on the way, we quantified this rule and declared that we would name our kid only a name that appeared on the previous year's Social Security Name List between number 30 and number 1000 (Elise was #225 in 2004). I don't know that I want to be all that rigid this time around - after all, there are some really good names that are really popular. And my life hasn't been so bad having the second most popular boys' name of my generation. Everyone has heard my name before, everyone knows how to spell it (as I've mentioned), and I'm certainly not embarrassed by it. The only drawback is that from time to time in crowded places, I turn and look when someone yells "Matt!" to someone else. We Matts even get a kick out of talking to each other: "Hi, Matt." "How's it goin', Matt?" There's a secret sense of understanding between us. So it's not the worst thing in the world to give your kid a super-popular name. All the same, I'd rather do something kind of in the middle of the road.

On the other side of that coin is the rule against completely made-up names. I've known a couple of these people in my life, and so have you. Heck, I married one. Shelly's name is really Shellyn, which her parents literally made up. But she has the saving grace of going by a name that everyone's heard of. Unusuality is great, but literal uniqueness - one-of-a-kind-ness - is a little too much for me. That's why last time we didn't go past name #1000 on the Social Security list.

This time around, there's a new rule that was never considered with Ellie or Annie. Because my two girls' names are so similar to each other, I think we need to make a conscious effort to make this child's name not fit into the pattern. Some people like patterns. I have a cousin whose first and last names both start with J, and she named her three kids all J names. Shelly has a relative whose first two girls' names (coincidentially, I think) rhymed, and then when the third girl came, they purposely chose a name that would rhyme with the other two just to keep the trend going. That's fine for them; that's not me. So no name that ends with -ie. Probably no name that ends with that sound at all (which eliminates a whole lot of girl names I really like, such as Mary, Molly, Wendy, Abby, etc.). I mean, can you imagine me introducing my kids: "This is Ellie, Annie, and Charlie." In fact, I am beginning to feel that we should even shy away from names that begin with a vowel. I'm not going to say that should be a hard-and-fast rule, but Ellie, Annie, and Olivia is just about as bad as Ellie, Annie, and Molly. In fact, we've already decided that if it's a girl, our "joke name" (that is, the name that we tell people just to get a laugh) is going to be Allison. "Then we'll have Ellie, Annie, and Allie!" we'll say.****

And finally, I guess I should mention that it has been made explicit that, with our last name, first names like Jack, Harry, and even Justin are out of the question.

* As I go about this process of documenting the naming process, I will of necessity have to specifically say that I don't like particular names. Some of my readers may have one of these names I disapprove of, or at least know and love someone who does. I hereby state that in this post and in all future similar posts, my disapproval of a particular name is not intended as a disapproval of any person bearing that name (or even their parents), and it is not meant to give offense to anyone. I am just expressing my opinions here, and in that process, I must necessarily say that there are certain names I don't like. Sorry.

** Of course, I've actually met people who spell it Mathew with only one T. It's right there in the Bible, people. Look it up.

*** Name that movie.

**** Pity. I actually really like Allison/Allie. Surprise, surprise, eh?