Friday, April 13, 2007
What I Expect From the Circus
Tonight I am going to attend my first circus. That's right, I led a deprived childhood and was never taken to see the circus. But Ringling Bros. et al are in town and Shelly and I are going. (And before you get all in a hissy fit about the fact that we're not taking poor sweet Ellie, note this: the show starts at 7:30 and her bedtime is 7:00, and circi are loud bombastic affairs featuring many things that Ellie probably will be more scared of than interested in.) Shelly, in contrast, is a circus veteran. There was a point during her childhood where she literally ran away and joined the circus. Not the P.T. Barnum et al circus, but a circus nonetheless. True story. Ask her about it sometime.
So as a 30-year-old circus novice, I've built up a lot of expectations over the years of what a circus should entail. You can imagine my disappointment when someone I know who has seen this particular show informed me that there is no man shot out of a cannon; instead, there's a guy who gets a cannonball shot into his gut.
I wondered what else is supposed to be in a circus that I may not actually see tonight. Here's my list of things I expect to see, in no particular order. If I actually see 66% of these things, I'll consider the event a success. If not, I'll ask for my money back. If they're all there, it'll surely be the Greatest Show on Earth.
* A train outside
* A woman in an outfit consisting primarily of sequins and/or feathers
* A dancing bear
* At least 10 clowns coming out of a tiny car
* A tightrope walker
* A man in a top hat
* An elephant standing on a ball
* Someone singing "Send In the Clowns"
* Flying trapeze artists
* Something involving fire and either juggling or hoops
* Bello the Clown and his tiny stolen bike
* A man who sticks his head inside a lion's mouth
* At least three literal rings
* A midget
* A horse jumping off a high dive
* The Bearded Lady
* A sea lion
* Something involving a trampoline
* A calliope playing that circus song. You know: "Da-da-dadadada-da-da-dada.."
* A guy riding a bike with a bunch of ladies doing acrobatics on his shoulders
* A horse with a plume on its head (if it wears the plume as it jumps off the high dive, that counts double)
Is that too much to ask?
So as a 30-year-old circus novice, I've built up a lot of expectations over the years of what a circus should entail. You can imagine my disappointment when someone I know who has seen this particular show informed me that there is no man shot out of a cannon; instead, there's a guy who gets a cannonball shot into his gut.
I wondered what else is supposed to be in a circus that I may not actually see tonight. Here's my list of things I expect to see, in no particular order. If I actually see 66% of these things, I'll consider the event a success. If not, I'll ask for my money back. If they're all there, it'll surely be the Greatest Show on Earth.
* A train outside
* A woman in an outfit consisting primarily of sequins and/or feathers
* A dancing bear
* At least 10 clowns coming out of a tiny car
* A tightrope walker
* A man in a top hat
* An elephant standing on a ball
* Someone singing "Send In the Clowns"
* Flying trapeze artists
* Something involving fire and either juggling or hoops
* Bello the Clown and his tiny stolen bike
* A man who sticks his head inside a lion's mouth
* At least three literal rings
* A midget
* A horse jumping off a high dive
* The Bearded Lady
* A sea lion
* Something involving a trampoline
* A calliope playing that circus song. You know: "Da-da-dadadada-da-da-dada.."
* A guy riding a bike with a bunch of ladies doing acrobatics on his shoulders
* A horse with a plume on its head (if it wears the plume as it jumps off the high dive, that counts double)
Is that too much to ask?
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